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[30 Jul 2006|01:55am] |
i never use this journal anymore.
this week sucked though-- first i have an allergic reaction between red bull and my allergy medicine. i still dont know how its possible. i end up in an emergency room for FOUR hours hooked up to all these weird machines monitoring me. then they tell me i must have some sort of virus, which has only gotten worse over the past 2 days, and i refuse to take medicine cus last time i did my throat was the size of a softball. today, i get dragged to bills training camp. i hate football, especially the bills. its too hot, the doctor told me i shouldnt even go outside because the humidity is really bad for me right now. i felt like passing out 832320x's. it was really rough.
now i've completely lost myvoice.
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[22 Feb 2006|07:14pm] |
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[23 Jan 2006|08:26pm] |
yesterday was my birthday.
i'm seventeen.
krgorekggiregreigogikeogke.
fuck livejournal.
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[09 Nov 2005|03:59pm] |
really simply put, i have no use for people like that in my life, therefore, i will never speak to him again. as upset as i was, i dont even care now. it's just the point of the issue. whatever. i dont even really care if he has a girlfriend. he was too lame anyways. i just wish i never upset the other one because of that one.
in other news...
EVERYONE GO TO THE PLAIN WHITE T'S AND SPITALFIELD SHOW IN BUFFALO DECEMBER 1ST AND BUY PWT CDS FROM ME!!!!
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[22 Oct 2005|09:32pm] |
everyone is in deanna's room watching texas chainsaw massacre, and i do not think i can stand a scary movie.
an update was requested by my best friend, so i'm going to make a stab at it...
lifejournal pisses me off cause i can't indent, but anyways...
So, I don't even know where to begin.
what are you supposed to do when you are REALLY beginning to like someone, and have no clue how they feel, and then get asked out by someone else? That someone else is an extremely awesome kid, but you just don't feel the same way. there's no way to get around hurting either that person who likes you, or hurting yourself. and what are you supposed to pick? i don't want to be a bitch, but i also don't want to ruin chances with the one i like-- especially since i talk to the one i like quite a bit more than the other one, even if it is only recently i met/ started talking to him. even after sitting in the rain and talking to everyone around me no clear answer has came. there is no clear answer, there are no solutions. the only solution is to follow how i feel, but following how i feel can only result in something awful. i don't want to just sit around and just forget both of them, but i rather do that and have noone then have one and hurt the other. but i don't even know if i would be hurting option #1, for the simple reason that i do not even know if he is an option.
in lighter news, deanna and colleen are dying my hair tonight, and it's going to be even lighter a color than it is right now. also, i'm going to saves the day because i have an awesome brother who is luckily for me working security at waterstreet and making my lifetime by getting me in to see the band i've wanted to see since back in 7th grade.
two of my best friends are going to georgia, and i really hope they don't die. i'd probably not be able to live if that happened, so please don't die, guys.
♥
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[02 Sep 2005|10:24am] |
rilo kiley is amazing.
simple as that.
even if the people in the crowd were assholes and making fun of them.
oh, yeah, coldplay was pretty awesome too-- even if i did miss "clocks" and they didn't do "sparks".
the whole general admission area smelled like a giant bag of pot.
me and deanna sorta ended up stealing some kids money... shit happens.
rilo kiley tote bags are awesome.
GOOD THING I WON TICKETS TO THAT CONCERT. <3333333333333333
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[27 Aug 2005|03:28pm] |
yeah so I'm already dead on the inside, but I can still pretend
with my memories and photographs i have learned to love the lie.
I don't even know how to say how i feel anymore. i feel like i've been completely reduced to only finding songs to say it, because i just don't know how. i feel dead. i feel numb. i am sick of who i am. i'm sick of everything. i don't even have a reason to complain. i feel like an immature little girl. all i do anymore is whine and lay around do nothing and just act like i'm miserable. i need to stop blaming everyone else for everything. it's not really their fault's that i am the way i am. and i'm so ridiculous cause 50% of the time i love who i am. and then, i just get like how i am right now for no reason. it's like it takes so long for things to catch up with me. it doesn't make sense. i don't make sense. i swear. i just need to stop talking and just make sense of these things on my own, because writing about it in my stupid livejournal entry is not going to improve how i feel or what is going on in my life. i need to come to terms with things and begin to accept them. regardless of what i want and hope i will not go back to aquinas, i will lose all my friends, i will/do hate who i've become, i will drift from everyone. i should just begin to accept these things now, or come september it's going to be a hell of a lot worse and things won't be good. at all.
when i said, "i hate who i've become" i lied, i hated who i was.
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[10 Aug 2005|08:58pm] |
I just wish I could verbalize how I feel right now. I have no idea where to begin, or how to say the things that are floating around in my head right now...
it's just that I hate how things are all changing. Not even just for me, for everyone. It really just sucks. No other way to put it. It sucks. Maybe things are for the best though.
and it takes more time than i've ever had
drains the life from me
makes me want to forget
as young as i was, i felt older back then
more disciplined, stronger and certain
but i was scared to death of eternity
i was saved by grace
but destroyed by naivety
and i lied to myself
and said it was for the best
so now faith is replaced with a logic so cold
i've disregarded what i was
now that i'm older
and i know much more than i did back then
but the more i learn
the more i can't understand
and i've become content with this life that i lead
where i drink to much and don't believe in much of anything
and i lie to myself
and say "it's for the best."
we're moving forward, but holding ourselves back
and we're waiting on something that will never come
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[29 Jul 2005|09:04pm] |
warped tour was fun.
i saw dan.
and TIM!
and greg.
and greg gave me his shirt to wipe mud off me.
and that was very nice.
and other people.
by the way, you like boys.
& i dislike you as well. tremendously.
fagbag.
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[20 Jul 2005|12:31pm] |
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hidden in plain view is friday &&&& i have no one to go with... i know one of you wants to go. let me know
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[07 Jul 2005|05:24pm] |
long island was fun.
we went to vinny from brand news house. yesss.
we went to a mets game.
we walked 12 miles in nyc.
this summer is gonna be bad though
im not going back to aq. i dont know where im doing, actually.
i dont ahve money for anything. im savign up for pretty girls make graves, and then coldplay with rilo kiley and thats about it.
we dont havea car right now.
the phones are turnedf off.
still no computer( im doing this at my grandmothers)
we might be havign to move into an apartment.
i miss everyone ESPECIALLY JESSICA.
AND IM SAD ABOUT THIS.
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[13 Jun 2005|01:56pm] |
today is the last day of classes and i couldnt be any happier.
tomorrow is my english and scripture exams, i know i'll do good on those. tomorrrow we are having picnicxcore 05! possibly going to my uncles to swim in between exams? oh, i hope so.
today was lame. air conditioning is a neccessity when its 983293 degrees outside, and aquinas sure as heck doesn't have that, but my class right now does! ive got to go clean my locker in a bit, and that sucks. but then im done. and i go home. and sleep. wednesday i think i'll go to streetlight manifesto, cuuuus gym class heroes are playing AND i don't have an exam on thursday, i think! yesss. i can't wait for this day to be over. its so lame and im dyinggg.
ps. look in the photobucket, user name bellababy.
i cant link it from here. deanna afro-ed my hair. it was siiick
pps. get your life away from my life.
ppps. COMMENT, PLEASE.
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[10 Jun 2005|12:31pm] |
i'm in keyboarding, because i still have school.
yesss.
i broke my computer, sparks flew out the back.
needless to say, i wont be updating for awhile.
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[31 May 2005|08:47pm] |
i like going to wal-mart with my mom just to sit in the parking lot and take pictures.
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[30 May 2005|09:48pm] |
this weekend was the lamest thing ever.
ididnt do anything, except go to deannas and sleep over and do nothing while she got ready for ball. that was neat to see i guess, but other than that-- nothing.
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feelsgoodinside's journal
